No, this is not my mother, but the finger and the judgemental look definitely could be. In the past, my mother has always always tried to pawn her things off on me. Her house is piled high with every conceivable useless piece of crap on the face of the planet. And some things that aren't useless, but she's always trying to transfer it from her house to my house. And the exchanges almost always go like this:
"You should use this in the living room...it would look nice!"
I shrug and respond, "Ask M." (M is my ex)
And my mother huffs and puffs..."Well it's YOUR house too! Or aren't you entitled to an opinion!?!?!?" It's a valid question, I guess. But my mother is coming at it as someone who was barely married 7 years and has been divorced for 34 years. Yes 34 years. She has lived the majority of her life, answering to no one, the ultimate feminist and happy that way, it seems. So good for her. The other point is that she LOVES to argue! LOVES IT!!!! And I don't. Most of the time I would defer to M., because I truly had no opinion and he was better at decorating than I. So why would I start a fight for no other reason that starting a fight? Why would I debate for something, when I honestly couldn't care less? Hang this picture in the hall or don't. It doesn't matter. If I had an opinion, I would express it, in a kind manner, but a lot of the times, I just didn't care. My brother has been married for a year to a girl he has been dating for 9 years. My mother accuses him of losing his backbone. My brother and sister in law agree on almost everything and are blissfully happy, but whenever my brother agrees with his wife, my mother just sniffs and says, "He never felt that way BEFORE he met her!" when in reality, if he didn't, it sounds like he listened and changed his opinion. But to my mother, you fight for your opinion and if you agree, you fight anyway! You stand up for yourself, whether someone is beating you down or not! You lay down the law to whomever is in earshot. Gee, wonder why she's been single this long?
So what would she think if she knew I was toying with the idea of being a sub? WOW!!! Talk about a scary thought!!!! Well, I think since she practically has a stroke at the slightest sign of me being solicitous of anyone, even if it's done out of kindness, respect and common human courtesy, my guess is she wouldn't be happy. As a result of having a serious food addiction, I currently do not eat meat or sugar or any kind. I also eat very little wheat. 3 years after I started my 12 step program, I still can't get her to understand why I don't eat these things. I've lost 50 pounds, I'm not bingeing, I'm not eating out of the trash can, I'm not stealing food, I'm not hiding food, I'm not filled with shame and depression anymore. "But...why do you have to stop eating these things all together?" ...Um...for all the reasons I've just listed!
So what would she think if she knew I was toying with the idea of being a sub? WOW!!! Talk about a scary thought!!!! Well, I think since she practically has a stroke at the slightest sign of me being solicitous of anyone, even if it's done out of kindness, respect and common human courtesy, my guess is she wouldn't be happy. As a result of having a serious food addiction, I currently do not eat meat or sugar or any kind. I also eat very little wheat. 3 years after I started my 12 step program, I still can't get her to understand why I don't eat these things. I've lost 50 pounds, I'm not bingeing, I'm not eating out of the trash can, I'm not stealing food, I'm not hiding food, I'm not filled with shame and depression anymore. "But...why do you have to stop eating these things all together?" ...Um...for all the reasons I've just listed!
And when I serve a very hearty, satisfying lunch, plenty for everyone, but no meat...seriously, you would have thought I took her out on the front lawn and announced we will be "grazing" for lunch!
So tell her that I want to be dominated? Tell her how I get off on spankings and pain? Tell her how I may want to be in a DD relationship some day? Yeah...think I'll pass on the true confessions for now...
So tell her that I want to be dominated? Tell her how I get off on spankings and pain? Tell her how I may want to be in a DD relationship some day? Yeah...think I'll pass on the true confessions for now...
Do any of my new friends in DD relationships have parents who know about your situation?
When my mother feels entitled to explanation (on anything) and I don't want to give it, I simply say, "I am an adult, this is my choice. I have reasons, whether you would agree with them or not, and they are MINE. And being an adult, I do am not obligated to explain my reasons to you, or anyone else, if I do not want to and I don't."
ReplyDeleteMy mom isn't THIS bad, but she can be this way. She found a set of pictures once of me at a party (not a spanking party, but a drunken friends' birthday party) when I was 30. She was livid, upset, you name it...saying we were at a lesbian party (we were drunk girls at a slumber party and took funny. posed pictures...lol).....her eyes were wide and accusatory, even when I said we were drinking and just being silly, she kept demanding explanations about this and that, saying I was gay...etc....finally, I just said, "You know what? Those pictures were not meant for you to see, and I am sorry that you saw them. Whether you understand or not, we were drinking and being silly. I am not gay. HOWEVER, were I gay, that would NOT be YOUR business anyway, because I am 30 years old and can make my own decisions for whatever reasons I decide to, and do NOT have to defend myself to YOU."
She was still mad, and tried to say a few more things but I simply shrugged, said, "Not your business" and walked away. She shut up, and she doesn't really do it much anymore. :)
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