Wednesday, September 30, 2009
I NEED my planner. Without my planner, I would be even more FUBAR than I am right now! The two jobs, Offspring and all her events, all my stuff and NOW, add visitation with Anti-Christ in there and I am desperately clinging to it even more than before. In fact, I got a fridge calendar to supplement the daily planner in my purse and am considering buying my 2010 planner in the next 6 weeks, so I can start writing down next years events.
I have everything from doctor's appointments to meal ideas in there and lately, I've taken to writing out...social engagements. Now obviously, my planner is something that is very personal and private, but it is on my desk at work or in my purse in the car or by my bedside so the idea that it could fall into the wrong hands is always a possibility. Do I care if someone knows I have a dentist appointment on Thursday or Offspring has Volleyball Practice on Monday? Of course not. And time and space always being an issue, I've started abbreviating. VB for Volleyball, for example. Quick, simple and to me, easily discernible.
But lately, I've been running across these appointments in my calendar and realizing that in my desire to keep my social events private, I end up spending more time trying to figure out what in the hell did I mean when I wrote that?!
K-GS? Obviously something with Girl Scouts right? Or that Garage Sale I was planning on having...But K? K usually only stands for 1 thing these days...
(K-GS was last Wednesday. It meant meeting Ninja in a particular location more or less midway between us...fine time had by all BTW!!!)
This Friday-Sunday, B-Alone. That one gave me A LOT of trouble. B-Alone. Had I planned on wanting to B-Alone? Was I telling myself three weeks ago that this weekend I would want to B-Alone? That would be silly, because Anti-Christ doesn't even have Offspring this weekend. (Mr. Wonderful has free time this weekend and wanted to know if I could score some as well)
KR is the following weekend and, as my own codes become clearer to me, I now know that means I'm going back to the wild with Ninja. Although R is really the closest bigger town near his teeny, tiny town, so I'm not sure why I put R.
Maybe it's time to start actually putting Ninja and Wonderful in my planner. Worst case scenario, whoever gets there hands on my planner, may think I actually hang out with a Ninja and gain a new found respect for me. Or they may think it's life affirming that I have taken time to dub the time of 7:30 on October 3 "Wonderful".
I could abbreviate those I guess, but I'm afraid I would stare at 10/31 Nin and wonder if I had signed up for a symposium of Anais Nin or rack my brain at 11/6 3:30pm Won and think "I won? What did I win?"
Saturday, September 26, 2009
It was bound to happen. My brother moved in with me and he moved a bunch of his stuff into my basement and that meant cleaning out my mud room which had been filled with boxes, many of which had not been opened in years and years. So I come home and my brother hands me a box. Now he is fairly knowledgeable when it comes to my...shall we say proclivities. He doesn't ask for details (Yuck!) but he has a general idea. So the box wasn't a big shock to him. It was to me though, because it is another clue into this life I had before. This box contained a pretty good size collection of literature, paraphernalia, what have you. I found three VHS tapes of spanking porn (is it porn if no one has sex?) One I don't even remember buying. One I remember was not very good and the third was, if I recall correctly, very good.
I found some full length novels (my original 9 1/2 weeks, Volumes II & III of the Anne Rice Sleeping Beauty Series along with a full length book of literary interpretations of the Sleeping Beauty Books) I found an old school, white, plastic vibrator and I do not know where it came from. I found some magazines and shorter works of spanking fiction I do remember purchasing, on my honeymoon in Portland, OR. I found some catalogs and a magazine or two I got from Shadow Lane back in the early 1990's when I was on their mailing list. I found a bottle of something called Chocolate Hot Stuff but I don't know the shelf life on it. I found some blue, fur lined handcuffs that also smell questionable. The box also contained a pretty nice pair of leather wrist restraints, a leather blindfold and what I guess would be described as a leather paddle. It's a long wooden stick and at the end is a thin piece of leather shaped like a hand.
It's this box full of things that all seem like they belong to this other person. I know for a period of time, back in probably the late 90's or very early 00's, I would occasionally peruse these items, but things get busy. You have a kid and then one day you realize that all your extra energy that isn't given to her is going towards trying to make a bad marriage work and then you wake up and it's 12 years later and it didn't work, but hey, I guess that's life. At least I've still got the box, right? And many of these items are certainly things the new me can appreciate. (Okay, I think I'm getting rid of the Chocolate Hot Stuff...)
I also find it funny that I bought a lot of these things on my honeymoon. I don't recall why we were shopping separately, but there was this little shop and it sold all this erotic literature and I just plopped down on the floor (no one else was in there) and went through what they had and bought some. In 1998, I was just becoming aware of computers and had never heard of the internet, but I remember how exciting it was to find this place with these kind of publications.
So as I am probably less than 72 hours away from the official end of the marriage, I'm being taken back to the memories of the beginning. And that's okay.
Even though I was already familiar with 95% of what was in there, it's still a little like Santa came early this year!
Saturday, September 19, 2009
It's the newest yoga position!
September has been insane. Anti-Christ moved out 9/1 and since then, I feel like I've been in this downward spiral. Not depressed he's gone, DEFINITELY NOT wanting him back, just not wanting to deal with my life in any capacity that had to do with any responsibility. Now it didn't effect my caring of Offspring, she is loved, fed, clothed and cared for. But my work, my bills, my 12 Step Program, my house to a certain extent, my car to a definite extent. I've just felt tired and restless and unwilling to do anything. Again, I haven't been depressed, just not able to motivate myself into action towards anything. I also haven't felt like connecting to my Higher Power and that is something that is very, very dangerous for me. I haven't been bingeing, but my food hasn't been where it needs to be and I feel like I'm putting on weight.
My sponsor says that we aren't food addicts, we are pleasure addicts and I agree with that, because when it comes to the things that bring me pleasure, namely Ninja and Mr. Wonderful, I have been most proactive and efficient with my time and resources. I have managed to fill quite a bit of time with romantic/sexual activities and found myself enjoying those a great deal! I spent last weekend at Ninja's place. Wednesday morning, I took the entire morning off with the sole intention of getting my finances in order and ended up doing nothing except calling Mr. Wonderful so he could hear me have an orgasm as I masturbated. That evening after I got off work, he came and got me and we had a date. It was very romantic. We went to dinner at this place with outside seating, we walked around a beautiful park, we talked, we held hands, we kissed. The entire point of the date was simply to be together and have dinner. But as he drove me back to my car I got a text from Anti-Christ, who had Offspring and was supposed to be returning her at 8:30. It stated "715 Movie, Turning off Phone". I looked at Mr. Wonderful and within 7 minutes, we were at a motel, fucking like animals. It was sweaty and crazy and raw and passionate. He began attacking me in the elevator and didn't stop until we left, an hour and a half later.
The next morning, I got up a little early to send an email to PA D. (PA as in short for Pennsylvania). PA D. is a friend I dominate by email. I don't stay in touch as often as I should, although frankly, I don't want him to get spoiled. So I was emailing him and as I wrote the things I was going to do to him in the context of a domination scenario, I was overcome with this wave of sexual emotions. This had never happened before. I woke up feeling perfectly normal and thought "I need to write PA D." and by the time I was half way through, I was ready to start humping anything in site! I managed to get myself under control, wake up Offspring and get her to school and then, with 1/2 an hour until work, I started a chat with Ninja, while also (ever the multi-tasker) touching myself. I finally told him to call me and I lay down and he helped talk me into another orgasm. While not to the same extent, the same thing happened again this morning when I was emailing PA D. (Twice in one week! The boy won't know what to do with himself!) I've got breakfast and lunch with Mr. Wonderful on Monday and then Wednesday, I'm supposed to meet Ninja somewhere between his place and mine for many hours before I go to a parent teacher conference. October is shaping up to be a busy month with my guys as well.
Basically right now, I'm a hormone with feet!
But something else happened this past week. Honestly, (and this may have been my imagination), I felt like B., my sponsor, was withdrawing. She's busy, I'm busy, and she was out of town, but for some reason, I felt this slight shift and I can't explain it. I don't think she was withdrawing, I think I was probably isolating because I wasn't working my program the way I needed to be, but it doesn't matter. It scared the hell out of me. I love my guys and would be heartbroken to lose any of them, but I won't know what to do if I lose my sponsor. That would devastate me so profoundly, I feel like I couldn't recover. I also started thinking about my previous idea about having a different life than the one I had before. A profoundly different life, not just the same life with Anti-Christ removed from it.
So I took some action...
It started with talking to my Higher Power. I didn't want to do it, I felt very apathetic towards Him, but I had no choice. I basically just made a gratitude list, thank you for a healthy child, thank you for a place to live, thank you for a job, thank you for not letting me gain 50 pounds again, on and on. And I got a message, very clearly. (I get those sometime). Basically it was that I had my crazy time and now it was over. That was it. It was over. It was time to take action, it was time to move on. I started by weighing myself as soon as I got to work (they have a scale in this room called the Tranquility Room...a scale is about the least Tranquil thing on the planet but oh well...). 5-9 pounds or so heavier, since I've been on the same weight, give or take 4 pounds, for two years. Okay, at least I knew where I was. I went on line and checked my bank accounts. Nothing overdrawn. Another miracle. Most importantly, the next day I took my boss out to lunch. Now on one level, this was the cowards way out because the bigger boss, (aka the meaner boss) was out of the country and my immediate supervisor is the nicest person EVER! She will ask you a question, sweet as pie and then later apologize for "Coming down too hard". But I took her to lunch and basically just spilled everything. My disorganization, my avoidance of deadlines, the back log of work I had hiding on my desk, and ultimately, my sincere desire to be a better employee. It would have been so easy to just blame it on the divorce. She would have understood and been sympathetic, but that wasn't the truth. I was like this long before I filed.
Yes I would like to not get fired, but ultimately, I want to not be a liar anymore. I want to not waste people's time and resources. I want to do the job they are paying me for. I want to remember the steady stream of crappy jobs I came from and remember that this really is a good job. I want to be someone Offspring can be proud of. I don't want to be the weakest link in my department chain. My immediately supervisor said she appreciated my honesty and she called it "courage" to change things.
So those are my small changes. I still have plans over the next month, at different times with Mr. Wonderful and Ninja, but I also have a desire for balance. There are things that I won't be able to do, that I will desperately want to do because they are things that give me pleasure. But my responsibilities have to come first. At least they do if I want to be a different person. If I want to NOT be my mother. If I want to raise a strong, responsible, confident woman. If I want to be free of my compulsion. If I want to have serenity. If I want to be in tune with my Higher Powers desires for my life. Some of this may all sound just like the post from a couple weeks ago, but now I'm ready to take some action to make these things come true. It's not all going to be perfect and it won't be overnight and if I expect either, I'm setting myself up for failure. There's a phrase that gets used a lot in 12 Step Programs. Just do the next right thing. What is the next right thing. The next right thing. If I keep my focus on that, then I feel like I really can go on.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
I always worry that since Ninja reads my blog, possibly since before we met I think, there will be no mystery in our relationship. He saw a picture of my bottom a month before he saw it in real life! He knows things about me that maybe I feel like I would have liked to have discussed over time, but I gave him the blog address, so that’s my fault. He’s a good guy and I’m pretty sure he would stop reading if I asked him, but asking him to stop seems a little excessive, so I try not to worry about it.
I’m starting to think the guy has a photographic memory because he really does remember what he reads on there! I suspect he sees it as his manual to the joy and wonder that is me! (HAHA)
One of the first things he showed me when I arrived at “The Ninja Compound”, was that he had purchased not one, not two, but THREE products that had Arnica as an ingredient. Three products did present the question in my mind…what the hell is this guy expecting to DO to me? J
Shortly after I arrived, we retired to a pair of seats from an old Chevy Van (great song!) in front of his bonfire area and made out for what seemed like a long time. But as he pointed out, the two weeks since we had seen each other had ALSO seemed like a long time! I think we were still making up for the 6-week stretch before that! Mainly, we were just necking at this point. (Do people still even use that word necking? I can’t think of any other, but man it makes you feel old when you wonder what “kids” today are saying!) But the wonderful weather and the quiet lent itself to some easy, fairly tame reconnection with the exception of my nipples. WOW! Wasn’t sure if he was biting or what, but later, as I was walking around, I checked and 1 looked almost black. It was a little painful when he was doing…whatever he did…but not excessively so and certainly not to the point I felt I needed to stop him during. But after, I teased him that his nipple privileges were cut off and and the Arnica was applied fairly early. A few hours later, it was almost back to normal.
We spent the next 6 hours just hanging out and whenever I was within reach, he would kiss me. The whole thing was really relaxed. After dinner and Maverick Scrabble (Rules? HA!), we retired to our little corner of the world (i.e. trailer) to connect further.
Stinger had accompanied me on my journey West of course and Ninja casually confirmed this (the guy is probably the most laid back person I’ve ever met, so pretty much everything that is said is casual). But for the first hour or more, neither of us seemed really all that concerned with spanking at all. It seemed more about touching, getting to know each other on this physical level. It was only later, as we lay there, that he if I a spanking. (Do I want a spanking? I would say with me that is a rhetorical question 98% of the time, but still sweet of him to ask…)
So after about 45 minutes of being across his lap, during which time he just used his hand, I started worrying he might be getting tired. Okay, I started worrying once I came out of my near catatonic state of relaxation! J So then we stopped and lay down, I guess with the idea of sleeping! And the sleeping was sporadic, but wonderfully sporadic, because when 1 of us would wake up, we would end up touching each other again.
The next morning when we woke up, we talked and we fooled around and continued our explorations J and then we had to debate what we had time for…breakfast or Stinger. I was torn because I wanted Stinger but I was hungry as well. So pretty quickly I was back over his lap and he began using Stinger. This was my first time he had been used on my bare bottom and (total pun intended) the thing packs quite a wallop. Anyone who’s seen the pictures (and they are posted on the blog) knows that there are two distinct designs, 1 on each side. I guess he thought (and I would have assumed) that each side would feel differently, but they didn’t. I couldn’t tell the difference between 1 side and another. So after about 15 minutes I think of that, and a very generous application of Arnica, we decided to try and fit breakfast in as well. We had some delicious eggs and talked some more, before I packed it up. Headed back to civilization and I have to admit, on some levels, I was not all that anxious to get back. It was a little sad to leave all that peace and quiet and sad to leave him, but Stinger and I hit the road, back towards “civilization” a mere 20 minutes later than we planned. Me slightly sore, Stinger ever so slightly more worn, but I think both of us very satisfied with how the time went. (Oh and I think Ninja enjoyed it too!) J
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Blogger is acting weird. Downloaded picture but then I get 4 lines of data instead of seeing the picture UNTIL I hit publish post. Oh well...
So this weekend, I spent 22 hours with Ninja at his place. His place is hard to describe, but I'm going to go with rustic. It's 100 miles from where I live, it's almost in the middle of nowhere and it does not even consist of a house. For some reason, the word compound springs to mind. Various structures, most of them once mobile, dotted the landscape and the electricity results when he runs his generator. There's a land line phone, but I think he said he would have to hook it up. He always teases me that when I went camping w/ Offspring at the Girl Scouts Camp that I was by no means roughing it and I agree...especially now! This was closer, definitely.
The thing that struck me most, was how quiet it was. No traffic noises, no TV, no phones ringing, no other people. The occasional sound of something falling from a tree or a bird or a cow (they belong to his neighbor) and even less frequent, a cat meowing...there are a few running around but I only met Leroy. But the quiet was very peaceful and very serene and Ninja was kind enough to order up some beautiful weather (not rain but still very mild and pleasant). The trailer we stayed in had been pretty stacked up for a number of years, so while he did some readjusting, I walked around a little, talked to him, helped a little with the hauling and managed to clear the land of all the spiderwebs using only my face. (There were a lot of them and I think I walked into all of them, but hey...rustic ain't cheap!) :)
At one point, he was showing me a light he uses when it gets dark. It's a bright head light kind of thing that is attached to a piece of black rubber and it goes around his head...sort of like a miner's hat without the hat part. A miners head band, really. I teased him about it relentlessly and finally got a couple playful swats for my trouble. :)
But it really was a very nice time. We talked, we laughed, I kept nagging him to focus on getting a place cleared for sleeping because he kept getting distracted (okay, he kept kissing me!) Then it got dark. We sat in this trailer, with no one around, maybe for miles, listening to a classic rock station on the radio, eating cold lasagna I had brought (he could have warmed it up in his microwave but that was in another part of the "compound" and it was getting late...it tasted fine cold) and then we had some fruit, we played Scrabble, not keeping score, making up words and running the words off the board more than once, and having a really good time. He told me that some women he has met have been very put off by his "compound"...some even put off by the description having never seen it! I guess I went in thinking it was an adventure (and he promised we would head back to town and get a room if I was unhappy with the place) and in the end I ended up feeling like I was able to let go of a lot of stress and enjoy.
Later when we went to bed, it was in the back corner of the trailer and something about that also appealed to me. I guess I'm a city person (technically a suburb person!) but I was born in the country. We left when I was about 5, but I spent a lot of summers down there and now, when I drive back there to see my mom or my dad, what always jumps out at me are the houses along this long stretch of single lane highway you have to drive to get to this small town. Some of them stand alone, in the middle of a piece of land, with nothing else around. If you drive 35 miles in 1 direction, you are in a town with pretty much everything you need (Walmart is everywhere!). If you drive 60 miles past that, you are in an actual metropolitan city, so it certainly isn't like you are completely cut off from all civilization. But I always liked these houses and how you really could make yourself believe that you were out in the middle of nowhere. My dad's house is on a few acres and while his closest neighbor is probably 1/8 of a mile away, you can't see them. It really does give the impression of just being by yourself. I always thought it would be nice living in a place like that, so sleeping in the back corner of this little trailer, at what seemed like the edge of the world, next to him, on a really nice, cool evening, felt very good.
Tomorrow...the good stuff!!!! :)
Thursday, September 10, 2009
I ain't takin' shit off no one...baby that was yesterday...I'm an All-American Rebel makin' my big getaway...
Sheryl Crow - Like Steve McQueen
When my mother got divorced, March of 1975, she drove up and down main street listening to Bread 8-Tracks. Bread, for anyone unfamiliar, is a band that released a bunch of songs that were very much like my mother...maudlin and overdramatic. The other day, I discovered my divorce song. Like Steve McQueen. It's on the Come On Come On CD by Sheryl Crow and that line above says it all. While the best song, I think, is the title track (BTW Ninja, Stevie Nicks sings back up on the song Come On Come On) but Like Steve McQueen is a song that will put you in exactly the right frame of mind, from the first guitar lick through the last note. It makes me really believe I ain't takin' shit off no one...that WAS yesterday!!!!
You'll have to copy and paste the link (it's a short piece) but the link thing didn't work. Maybe I was in the wrong frame of mind to read an article on the secrets of happy couples, but this one? Honestly! Every couple is thin. Every couple is wealthy. Every couple has a job that is hugely creative and stimulating. (2 ballet dancers! A chef! Another chef! Someone who founded his own website listing nothing but the cool stuff no one can afford and OH! his wife is the creative director!) I'm sorry, these are not real people. Take a gander at them. Not real people. I am not going to listen to these people! I think maybe 1 of them was over 35, and exactly 1 couple had been together longer than 4 years! Come back and talk to me when you all have kids...and debt...and hair loss...and unemployment...and her ass is huge and he's bitter and resentful because her ass is huge...and they haven't had sex in 6 months...no I was definitely not in the right frame of mind to read that...
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Anti-Christ is gone. He pops up occasionally to pick up Offspring or various remnants of his past life, but he's gone. My brother is actually living in his room. It's time to look forward. To...what? That appears to be the big question. I was telling Mr. Wonderful that it would be so easy to continue with the life I had before, just minus AC. Lift him out of there and the life I had before continues, less stressful, less toxic, happier. Less complicated? No, so long as we are connected by Offspring, AC wont' let it be entirely uncomplicated but my "team" (not to be confused with "my guys") of minister, 12 Step Sponsor and therapist will, I'm confident, help me as I navigate that. My lawyer (a temporary member of the team) says I need to bend over backwards and placate my ass off until the judge has signed off. I need to humor and appease and keep the peace. If the last 1/3 of my life has prepared me for nothing else, it has prepared me for keeping the peace with AC. I can do this for another 21 days.
But this does not address the future. My future. Maybe the place to start is the question who am I? Minus the label of "wife", with its subtext of downtrodden and abuse, and strip away the "good mother", because that aspect is not going anywhere, then who am I? Okay, I am a nice person, most of the time. I am a good friend and I try to be caring and considerate. I am a good listener, I think. I can't recall having ever kicked a puppy and I always hold the door for the elderly. These are my pros.
On the other side, I am not the most organized person on the face of the planet. I can be a procrastinator, although I keep putting off admitting that. :) While not a big, extravagant spender, I am not organized with my money. I am an addict and when it comes to my addiction, I have not entirely given up all of my past behavior, which includes lying, cheating and stealing. I am much better than I used to be, but I am not where I want to be. I am also not the employee I want to be and I am not doing what I am passionate about in life.
So what am I prepared to do about this? As someone who occasionally gravitates towards the over dramatic, I want to make a big, sweeping vow to my 16 followers (and those who haven't registered) that starting tomorrow, I am turning over a new leaf. I am going to change every bad habit I have, I am going to wake up tomorrow and find that it's the first day of the rest of my life. There will be assorted woodland creatures present to help me dress while elves in a nearby tree make cookies and fine crackers. (Okay so much for the diet!) :) Starting tomorrow, all will be different.
Except these are the vows I make to myself each and every day and they never work out. Unrealistic expectations that I want to happen immediately with very little effort on my part. What can possibly go wrong?
So I want to start simple I guess, because I honestly do not want the life I had. I do want things to change. I want a life that is different and maybe the best way to do that is to start with a day that's different. Now I just have to figure out how to do that.
The first step, according to my sponsor, will be to turn over everything to my Higher Power. That is probably the first step, is getting back in touch with him, because I have felt very ambiguous about my spiritual side lately. I have some theories as to why that is, so once I have explored that, I think the next step is asking myself, each day, why do I want a new life? And then find out how, within that day, within the confines of what I have at my disposal, I can achieve that. It doesn't have to be moving a mountain. Sometimes the significant changes in life are small things that add up, right?
One of my all time favorite sayings is:
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher
I don't know if making the changes necessary to have a new life requires courage, but I know that I am willing to say, every day, I'll try again tomorrow. I am willing to make a commitment to myself. And after a lifetime of worrying about everyone else, maybe that's a step in the right direction.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Okay so none of my guys "technically" look like this...but I'm not complaining. :)
Today was not a great day starting out. The Anti-Christ is gone. Officially gone all the time. But not content to sit on his laurels, he continues to attempt to make sure my life is as miserable as possible. So as I was telling my 12 step group last week, it feels like I have two options: I can continue to bend over backwards and be a door mat, accommodating him to "keep the peace" for my daughters sake, or I can be this total bitch who just says "Fuck you" and hangs up the phone and make sure I match him at every turn and make this as contentious and miserable as possible. I'm sure there's a middle ground for me, but it just isn't clear right now. I've been saying my serenity prayer a lot today, "God, Grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change..." because I can't change the Anti-Christ. As B. asked "In 13 years have you EVER been able to get him to change his mind or even listen to your point of view?" That would be no! In fact, I've killed myself explaining my point of view, presented logical arguments, charts, graphs, statistics...never works. So maybe it's time to stop killing myself trying.
So I took the afternoon off, I met Mr. Wonderful for 5 great hours and then on my way to my 12 step meeting I tortured Ninja on the phone for calling me "middle aged" (Long, funny story).
I'm convinced that God looked down at me and my marriage and said, "You've been through enough" and he sent me Mr. Wonderful. Someone so kind and generous and loving who makes me feel so special. As I've stated, our relationship has its limitations, but his being amazing isn't one of them. But then, I found Ninja to prove that there was more than 1 person who might treat me decently in the world. And he's just this really sweet, smart goofy guy who's sort of cracked like me. It's going slowly, which is nice, considering how quickly everything else in my life seems to be moving. So here I am, playing the field, as my friend Dave points out. (Dave is one of my "honorary" guys, since we've never actually met in person!) The funny thing is, they do have some things in common...mainly telling me I'm sexy and funny and sarcastic (which luckily both seem to think is a plus) and they both REALLY like my ass. Now I'm not someone who is used to having people tell her much of anything nice about herself. In fact, 13 years with AC conditioned me to NOT expect anything of the sort.
The other thing they have in common is this incredible sense of consideration that just cracks me up. I don't mean they are considerate towards me (which they both are) but they are actually considerate towards each other, having never even met once! When I was going to spend 36 hours with Mr. W, Ninja kept telling me to have a good time and he'd be thinking of me. Um...okay. Ninja said my time with Mr. Wonderful would make me happy and he just wanted to see me happy. Mr. W keeps worrying that he needs to back off so he doesn't get in the way of Ninja and me. Then Ninja asks if I've told anyone about our next date we have planned. I tell him just Mr. Wonderful and he starts in on not wanting to cause any issues or problems between Mr. W & myself.
Seriously, what GUYS do this sort of thing? The two of them are killing themselves, trying to make sure THE OTHER ONE is in no way inconvenienced or offended or whatever. It's just surreal. And it's really sweet. And I feel really lucky to have found both of them.
Shout out to another "honorary" guy, Mr. Spanko, although I've had rather limited interaction with him and also his lovely wife is not a guy! Hey next post...My Girls! :)