I try to remember to transfer the two unassuming suitcases that all this is stored in from my trunk to my closet after Mr. Wonderful & I meet, but the other day I forgot. And when I got to work, I remembered my make up bag had been hastily packed in one of them. So I'm standing in the parking lot, of a faith based corporation, with an opened suitcase full of sex toys spilling out as I looked for eye liner! Luckily none of the nuns were happening by my car...:)
Actually though, the whole thing has led me to a question. Who is going to be my "In Case of Emergency" person now? I'm assuming my mother, but she tends to be the hysterical type. My brother might work. I guess I could put my 12 step sponsor, that would be the best person for me, but I don't want to inconvenience her. Or I could just keep everything the same with AntiChrist as the one. In almost 40 years, no one has ever actually called my emergency contact, so I guess it wouldn't matter. But in 13 years, it's always been him and now, not so much.
And things like that catch me off guard. I'm so happy to be leaving this relationship. My therapist, my sponsor, my minister, every trained professional in my life, knows it was time to go 5 years ago. I had to follow the process and do it at my own pace, but I am doing it. But every once in awhile, something like this...not missing him by any means...but missing the idea that I KNOW who is my emergency contact. I was informed the other day I should probably join AAA, indicating that if my car broke down, he wouldn't be the one I would call and he always has been. Not because I knew he could handle a crisis (please believe me he can't), but because who else would you call? You need a quart of milk, you call your partner. You call the person you live with. We've been estranged for years, but if the computer doesn't work, then I tell him.
Again, these things don't strike me as sad, as much as they do surreal. I've spent 1/3 of my life (to the day) with this person. That's a lot of time. And if there is someone out there who does NOT treat me like shit, all day, every day, they are already miles ahead of AntiChrist in terms of being a partner, but it's just so weird to realize he isn't going to be here. He isn't going to be a physical part of my life anymore. He isn't going to be sitting next to me at dinner judging me and making snide remarks and criticisms. So YAY!!! YAY but weird...
Maybe I'll take comedian Steven Wright's excellent advice. He writes on forms "In case of emergency call...a doctor...I mean, what's my MOM gonna do?"