He put an ad on craigslist. He wanted an erotic pen pal. That was it. He made absolutely no mention of meeting, ever. I enjoy writing, I have a very active fantasy life in my head and I was not looking to meet anyone, especially as my marriage ended. So I answered. I sent an email to his post address. My first email was 1 sentence, exactly 5 words. "What are you looking for?" And we began. When we started, he was using a fake name (I would find out later) and I was using simply my first initial. We sent each other fantasies. Then he started asking me questions about myself. I didn't reveal a lot at first, but he seemed genuinely interested. He seemed like a decent, caring, good guy. A few weeks in, I signed an email with my entire first name. He left me a birthday card in the erotic section of a book store. All this before we met. Then we met. And it was magic. It is magic. I can't even explain it. I trust him more than I've ever trusted anyone in my life. I love him. This is not a "happily ever after" relationship, it came with an expiration date and I knew that. I don't know how long it will last, but the funny thing is, I can't complain. This is what I signed up for but despite this, I feel happier than I ever have.
Part of that is sex. I have had so little sex (and zero fulfilling sex) in...WOW!!!...5 or 6 years maybe more. That shocks me...because I have always loved sex...more on that later...
But I honestly feel like the biggest part of this was a month of erotic emails, outlining out deepest desires. Before we had ever laid eyes on each other, we knew what the other liked and didn't...we spent all this time detailing and discussing but honestly, except for 1 fantasy that involved spanking, I never brought it up to him. I don't tend to bring it up much, because it can be tricky, in my experience. Some judge...harshly. I didn't think he would, but you just never know.
I started off slowly, asking him to pull my hair. I love having my hair pulled. It's super thick, so it's really difficult to do any real damage with it and it just intensifies everything. He said he loved the way my body reacted when he did it. So once I saw how into that he was, I brought up the topic of his slapping my ass. He is very concerned about hurting me. He took the slapping my ass as a little fun diversion during sex and that was fine, at first. Looking at it from the perspective of "Hey this is more than I've had before, EVER..." I enjoyed it. Last time we were together (nearing our 3 month anniversary), he seemed to be a little more intent on slapping my ass harder. It was amazing. It wasn't an actual spanking, but it was coming along. The problem was, when he left both times (we met at lunch for a "quicky" and then came back after work for a few hours), my ass? Not even red. He gave me some pretty fair wallops too, but so much as a slight pinkish tint. That was a little disappointing. Also, what I realized was that evening, the next day, there were no residual effects.
These days I am all about taking responsibility for my own actions. I am really working hard on that. If I wanted a bright red ass and I wanted to be tingling and sore the next day or two...if I wanted my fantasies fulfilled, I had to overcome all awkwardness, all fear, all embarrassment, and tell him. I could not pussy foot around this issue.
I asked him first, via email, if he wanted me to do something and I was uncomfortable with it and said no, would that make him angry? He replied no, of course not. (He really is a wonderful man who cares for me). With that being established, I asked him if he knew that anything I asked, he could also say no to, because while everything was wonderful, I felt like he was the kind of person who might engage in something that was important to me, even if it was outside his own comfort level and that would make my enjoyment decrease and I didn't want him uncomfortable. He said he would tell me. So I just laid it out. I told him (knowing he would like this) that I would dress up in a school girl outfit and pigtails, and I wanted to provide a paddle and I wanted him to use it. The first thing I made clear was that beyond that, he was in control. I wanted to be bent over something or over his lap, but that wasn't my decision. If he wanted to scold me, call me "Young lady" make me say "yes sir" these were all suggestions, but none of them deal breakers. I did ask that he not kiss me, not pull my hair, not touch me in anyway while he was spanking me. I didn't want it to be a part of sex, I wanted it to be separate and if I didn't feel it the next day, then I wasn't really where I wanted to be. These were all things I stated with respect and deference, but I felt I needed to be crystal clear that I wanted him in control. Did he want to spank me and then stop and then start again? Did he want to just do it in rapid progression? These were not my decisions. In (obsessively) reading some DD blogs lately, the absolute hottest thing I've found is the Dom asking who is in control? Who makes the decisions? Who does this ass belong to? Who decides when this starts and stops? And the Sub has to say "You do." I want that. More later on my internal debate about DD & me, but I want Mr. Wonderful in charge, I want him in control, I want to completely submit to him and I want a spanking...ASAP!!! I want to at least get through this and see where I'm at. There is nothing about this that sounds wrong or undesirable.
Mr. Wonderful has agreed. He draws the line at slapping my face, which is fine. I mentioned it in a fantasy, but not that interested in it (too many possibilities of the outside world seeing any discoloration and not really my thing anyway). He seems turned on by it. So I guess, (hopefully soon!!!) we'll see.