Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Masochists and Fantasies
So when does a Spanko become a masochist? My guess is that to most of the general population, we are all masochists right? Pleasure derived from pain is the definition of masochist. I (painfully) sat wondering this today. I'm not just getting spanked anymore. I'm being tied up. I'm being slapped and slammed against walls. I'm crawling on all fours with a riding crop in my teeth. Have I crossed some thresh hold or just finally found the person who will accompany me on my journey? If people in the past had been willing, would I have already been doing all these things? Probably, although I know I wouldn't have enjoyed it as much as I am with My Friend (sucking up for a bit of leniency down the line is never a bad thing).
I think it sounds kind of cool. "I'm a practicing masochist." Practicing Masochist. Good band name.
I also had the coolest fantasy this morning and part of me is dying to tell My Friend and part of me is like, nah. I think I decided it might kind of lose something if I tell him. Then it's not something organic, like in my mind. The fantasy certainly isn't something crazy...in fact it's something completely feasible that would be done in public. It's ridiculously mild but would be really effective at getting me mentally aroused. Now I don't expect the poor man to read my mind, but at the same time, spelling it all out, yeah it feels like it would take something away. Not sure. Still pondering.
I was allowed to send him an older fantasy. Recycled is such an ugly word! And I wouldn't send him any fantasies that I had actually acted out with anyone. That would just seem wrong.
Things are definitely moving along. Not sure if I have permission to call it a relationship yet, but to me, if crawling on all fours with a riding crop in your teeth doesn't scream relationship, I don't know what does!