Sunday, May 16, 2010
It's a crazy world, I'll tell you that. And anyone who has been on all fours, naked, with a riding crop in their mouth next to a small dog getting a treat knows what I'm talking about. I'm starting to worry about My Friend's Dog and what all this new activity might be doing to his poor little canine psyche, but I guess he's okay. What I actually tell him (the dog) is that upon hearing my cries and whimpers, Lassie would have already gone for help! The sweet little boy just licks my leg and is on his merry way. He and My Friend seem to be of like minds. I knew what I was getting myself into...so quit complaining.
Having an important, meaningful conversation about relationships and life while tied to a chair is an interesting change as well. My Friend and I had a really romantic day, but something he said started bothering me and so by the time we got back to his place, it had grown into a full on potential resentment. I guess maybe bringing it up earlier might have been better. When I'm presenting him with the riding crop (between my teeth) and being told that it pleases him and my brain immediately goes to, "Oh sure it pleases you but not enough to..." then there's an issue. And 3 weeks in, I feel completely comfortable bringing it up and discussing it with him. Which is great.
What is not great? Purple knots on the outside of my thighs from that riding crop. They seemed to go down after My Friend fashioned some ice packs and applied them (our first aftercare!). Did not enjoy the riding crop, but it was manageable. That damn wooden paddle is another story. OH MY GOD!
My Friend has decided to save his belt for actual punishment. Okay, fine. His call. Part of me wonders (and part of me needs to get a new secret blog he doesn't read! :)) if he's thinking the belt is a harsher implement because of the bruise it left (which still hasn't healed)and perhaps it is but that paddle is killing me. And I'm not 100% sure how much of my emotion last night came from the conversation we had before he started paddling me and how much was actual reaction to the horrific pain, but I ended up crying. Actually crying. I was over his "love seat" (I'm thinking we need to rename that particular piece of furniture!) and felt it moving and myself almost crawling over it the first time he hit me. Then came several more and I just couldn't stop. I don't ever cry during spankings. It's just not something I do. But this time I did. And he loved it. I think he had been waiting for it. He had mentioned his desire to kiss away tears and he got his chance.
I think what really got him was that I was crying, I was bruised and swollen on my thighs, my legs were shaking and he told me to bend back over the love seat. And I did. It never occurred to me not to. I made a commitment to submit to him. It is very important to me. He didn't paddle me anymore, but did continue to comment on my complete submission. He seemed pleased which pleased me.
My submission to him is less a fantasy to me than I perhaps led on. And yes it's fast, but he's been studying (aka cyber stalking) for a long time and the trust I have for him is overwhelming (a perk of knowing some1 four years before getting involved) so the submission is easy. I don't always like it, but I do it, because it helps me.
I'm getting some rules now. I have to ask permission to orgasm. (I forgot once and he was kind enough to let it slide) and I also have to be in bed by 1030 and text him when I get there. So this will be the first full week of that and hopefully all will go well. When I emailed him about it, knowing I needed some help, he used the words "new sheriff in town". It was so cute. And a little scary. And so comforting.
It sounds like I might be getting a collar. Walking around, lying around with a belt wound 3 or 4 times around my neck was actually a pretty good look and so My Friend mentioned something about it. We'll see!
Went to church today with dried cum in my hair to teach Sunday School. Yes ladies & gents...a very crazy world...