Friday, June 26, 2009

Look what I got! :)

Okay so where to begin? This is my first bruise! So freaking amazing! Mr. Wonderful? A bit horrified, I believe but I am doing my best to talk him through it. I did not go out intentionally looking for a bruise, let me assure you, but I love it!
Just to give a little background, the day before Mistress dominated Matt last weekend, Master Matt dominated S., or God love him, he tried. Mr. Wonderful spent a lot of time beating up on himself after that, saying he fizzled. Basically, he felt that 1/2 way through our first session, his true self got distracted by a strong desire to have sex, so the discipline fell by the wayside. I tried to explain that he had not fizzled and what replaced the discipline that day was by no means anything that could even remotely be put in the consolation prize category. It was hot and sexy and intimate and I loved it. But it bothered him, I think, that I hadn't gotten the punishment he felt I desired.
So flash ahead to two days ago. The lady I love more than just about anyone was out of town, asked me to let her cat in, check her mail and have as much sex as I wanted with Mr. Wonderful in her house. (She's just that cool and even offered me her bed!)
I must mention that Mr. Wonderful is a great talker. That's something I love about him. I always thought I was a chatterbox, but around him I find myself more quiet, content to listen and be. I say this because when we got to the house, he had promised that Master Matt was going to be taking over, as soon as we walked in the door and he did. I was immediately powerless. He began by ordering me to pour us some wine. He got a full glass and I was allowed 1/4 of a glass and could only drink when he ordered me to. We sat in B's family room and Master Matt talked to S. for 2 hours. For 2 hours. I was on an ottoman, he was opposite me on a couch. He was firm, he was no nonsense, he was in command. He was amazing. He asked me questions, about beauty, about my body, about some actions that some of the alters had recently taken that unfortunately S. had to pay for. One of the main questions I got was "You have no idea how beautiful you look sitting there, do you?" or "You have no idea how erotic you are, do you?"
And when my truthful answer "No Master" came, it seemed to annoy him.
He & I are both a little paranoid about marks on places people can see. We had discussed it and while I was all for the idea of his slapping my face, the concern still lingers due to work and the fact that I still live with my ex. But one of the first things he did was stand up and walk to me, he grabbed a handful of my hair, pulled it back and slapped my face. The pressure, the pain, was perfect. It hurt, it woke me up, but it didn't leave a mark. I love him so much.
Then he sat back down and continued talking. But again, he seemed bothered by the fact that I have issues with acknowledging my own body. I was a heavy child, I grew up into a heavy adult. I am a food addict. I don't say that with a wink, like "Oh, I have a sweet tooth!" I have a disease, every bit as much as an alcoholic does and I am in a 12 step program for it. I am currently maintaining a 50 pound weight loss, but in my mind I am fat and I will never be beautiful. I feel a little more confident in the areas of personality and intelligence, I feel beautiful inside, but my looks? I can't say much. But he can and he does. So between the talking, I had to stand up, I had to pull up my skirt, eventually I had to remove my panties and my thigh highs and I had to turn around and let him observe me. He would compliment my legs and my ass, right before he started hitting them with his hand. Now he has slapped my ass before, sometimes pretty hard, and I would get a tingle and it would quickly dissipate. This was more blows, harder, definitely faster and it felt almost like he was back handing me. I don't know if he was or not and I wasn't about to ask, because I was terrified. Terrified that if I broke from my sub role, that he would get paranoid about "hurting me" and stop. Master Matt orders S., every time they are together, to say the safety word out loud before they start and I do. But he was on a roll that day. And he really liked me turning around so he could look at my ass and compliment it and then beat it some more. The only time I almost laughed was when he told me "Turn around" like 10 times in 20 seconds. I think the wine was getting to both of us but suddenly the hokey pokey theme sprung into my head but I focused and got through it.
We have a few light paddles, we have the rubber riding crop and I think we still have the unused as yet spatula. They all remained in the bag because Master Matt, for the first time in the almost 5 months I've known him, wore a belt. Now I had mentioned a belt once and apparently he took it to heart, but I guess in my mind, I was thinking we'd work our way up to it. Apparently not.
Eventually, after the talking had mostly ceased, I had to bend over the ottoman. He was still talking some, but I could hear him take the belt off. I was nervous and excited and scared some. And then he started.
My first REAL punishment and WOW is about all I can say. I don't think he doubled the belt and I can't say for sure if it would have made a difference but that belt was really intense. The first few times it hit, it was like it almost didn't register right away. It felt light, almost like it was dancing on my skin and the horrific burning came like 2 seconds later. And maybe I was expecting him to hit me once or twice, stop and lecture more, hit me some more...I'm not 100% what I was expecting, but he just kept going. All I could think was "I WILL NOT use my safety word! I don't care what he does!" because the thing is, the safety word felt like it wasn't going to just stop his action, to me it felt like it was going to snap him back into Mr. Wonderful mode and that was the last thing I wanted at that moment. Plus, this discipline is what I said I wanted. This is what I had been looking for for almost 40 years! I was NOT going to let this go. If I hated it, I could reassess but not until he said the discipline was done. He went on to bend me over the kitchen island and reapply the belt, and holy crap, I almost forgot why I wanted to do this, that thing REALLY stung. But again, I bit my tongue because I wanted this. And I really think he did too.
Reality did eventually break the spell, because it was afternoon and the room we were in had windows everywhere so he suddenly caught sight of all these welts on my skin and said we were stopping. I was a little relieved. I was a little disappointed. I felt so much love for him at that moment it made me want to cry.
I'm not sure about his aim. It felt like the belt was hitting my entire ass in different places, but the soreness and the bruising was on the outer side of my ass, almost closer to my thigh. Weird. But the soreness was there. I felt it the next day. And the next. This is what I wanted. Now I've had it. Not sure about the belt, but that's not my decision. And I LOVE that it's not my decision. I just know I want more of Master. More lecturing, more slapping my face, more punishment, more everything. When I'm dominating, I feel powerful and sexy. When I'm submitting, I feel cared for and appreciated. Even though these things are all in the "fantasy realm" for us, the feelings they evoke are still very real for me.
He wanted a critique of how he did. All I said was it was all wonderful. Maybe he wants more specifics, but I don't really want to get into that. It feels like telling him "This was good, that not so great" almost undermines his dominance. I love that we communicate so well, but I really don't want to Top from the Bottom and the more I let him truly, truly take control, the more I can forget. Forget that my submission is just part of a fantasy, forget that in reality things that are very hard to accept hit us in the face every day. Forgetting and just letter Master do as he wishes to my body, getting what I've wanted for my entire life with someone I love and completely 100% trust, letting go of everything for a few wonderful hours, those are the true fantasies I'm trying to indulge.

1 comment:

  1. Looks like you got your just desserts! Also, as the Stones once said- "You can't always geant you want, ut if you try, sometime, you get what you need. (oh baby, yeah yeah)."