A Ninja in his Natural Habitat - Part I

Blogger is acting weird. Downloaded picture but then I get 4 lines of data instead of seeing the picture UNTIL I hit publish post. Oh well...

So this weekend, I spent 22 hours with Ninja at his place. His place is hard to describe, but I'm going to go with rustic. It's 100 miles from where I live, it's almost in the middle of nowhere and it does not even consist of a house. For some reason, the word compound springs to mind. Various structures, most of them once mobile, dotted the landscape and the electricity results when he runs his generator. There's a land line phone, but I think he said he would have to hook it up. He always teases me that when I went camping w/ Offspring at the Girl Scouts Camp that I was by no means roughing it and I agree...especially now! This was closer, definitely.
The thing that struck me most, was how quiet it was. No traffic noises, no TV, no phones ringing, no other people. The occasional sound of something falling from a tree or a bird or a cow (they belong to his neighbor) and even less frequent, a cat meowing...there are a few running around but I only met Leroy. But the quiet was very peaceful and very serene and Ninja was kind enough to order up some beautiful weather (not rain but still very mild and pleasant). The trailer we stayed in had been pretty stacked up for a number of years, so while he did some readjusting, I walked around a little, talked to him, helped a little with the hauling and managed to clear the land of all the spiderwebs using only my face. (There were a lot of them and I think I walked into all of them, but hey...rustic ain't cheap!) :)
At one point, he was showing me a light he uses when it gets dark. It's a bright head light kind of thing that is attached to a piece of black rubber and it goes around his head...sort of like a miner's hat without the hat part. A miners head band, really. I teased him about it relentlessly and finally got a couple playful swats for my trouble. :)
But it really was a very nice time. We talked, we laughed, I kept nagging him to focus on getting a place cleared for sleeping because he kept getting distracted (okay, he kept kissing me!) Then it got dark. We sat in this trailer, with no one around, maybe for miles, listening to a classic rock station on the radio, eating cold lasagna I had brought (he could have warmed it up in his microwave but that was in another part of the "compound" and it was getting late...it tasted fine cold) and then we had some fruit, we played Scrabble, not keeping score, making up words and running the words off the board more than once, and having a really good time. He told me that some women he has met have been very put off by his "compound"...some even put off by the description having never seen it! I guess I went in thinking it was an adventure (and he promised we would head back to town and get a room if I was unhappy with the place) and in the end I ended up feeling like I was able to let go of a lot of stress and enjoy.
Later when we went to bed, it was in the back corner of the trailer and something about that also appealed to me. I guess I'm a city person (technically a suburb person!) but I was born in the country. We left when I was about 5, but I spent a lot of summers down there and now, when I drive back there to see my mom or my dad, what always jumps out at me are the houses along this long stretch of single lane highway you have to drive to get to this small town. Some of them stand alone, in the middle of a piece of land, with nothing else around. If you drive 35 miles in 1 direction, you are in a town with pretty much everything you need (Walmart is everywhere!). If you drive 60 miles past that, you are in an actual metropolitan city, so it certainly isn't like you are completely cut off from all civilization. But I always liked these houses and how you really could make yourself believe that you were out in the middle of nowhere. My dad's house is on a few acres and while his closest neighbor is probably 1/8 of a mile away, you can't see them. It really does give the impression of just being by yourself. I always thought it would be nice living in a place like that, so sleeping in the back corner of this little trailer, at what seemed like the edge of the world, next to him, on a really nice, cool evening, felt very good.
Tomorrow...the good stuff!!!! :)

Like Steve McQueen

I ain't takin' shit off no one...baby that was yesterday...I'm an All-American Rebel makin' my big getaway...
Sheryl Crow - Like Steve McQueen



Divorce Song
When my mother got divorced, March of 1975, she drove up and down main street listening to Bread 8-Tracks. Bread, for anyone unfamiliar, is a band that released a bunch of songs that were very much like my mother...maudlin and overdramatic. The other day, I discovered my divorce song. Like Steve McQueen. It's on the Come On Come On CD by Sheryl Crow and that line above says it all. While the best song, I think, is the title track (BTW Ninja, Stevie Nicks sings back up on the song Come On Come On) but Like Steve McQueen is a song that will put you in exactly the right frame of mind, from the first guitar lick through the last note. It makes me really believe I ain't takin' shit off no one...that WAS yesterday!!!!

Glamour
http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2009/08/secrets-of-happy-couples?currentPage=1

You'll have to copy and paste the link (it's a short piece) but the link thing didn't work. Maybe I was in the wrong frame of mind to read an article on the secrets of happy couples, but this one? Honestly! Every couple is thin. Every couple is wealthy. Every couple has a job that is hugely creative and stimulating. (2 ballet dancers! A chef! Another chef! Someone who founded his own website listing nothing but the cool stuff no one can afford and OH! his wife is the creative director!) I'm sorry, these are not real people. Take a gander at them. Not real people. I am not going to listen to these people! I think maybe 1 of them was over 35, and exactly 1 couple had been together longer than 4 years! Come back and talk to me when you all have kids...and debt...and hair loss...and unemployment...and her ass is huge and he's bitter and resentful because her ass is huge...and they haven't had sex in 6 months...no I was definitely not in the right frame of mind to read that...

Now What?

Anti-Christ is gone. He pops up occasionally to pick up Offspring or various remnants of his past life, but he's gone. My brother is actually living in his room. It's time to look forward. To...what? That appears to be the big question. I was telling Mr. Wonderful that it would be so easy to continue with the life I had before, just minus AC. Lift him out of there and the life I had before continues, less stressful, less toxic, happier. Less complicated? No, so long as we are connected by Offspring, AC wont' let it be entirely uncomplicated but my "team" (not to be confused with "my guys") of minister, 12 Step Sponsor and therapist will, I'm confident, help me as I navigate that. My lawyer (a temporary member of the team) says I need to bend over backwards and placate my ass off until the judge has signed off. I need to humor and appease and keep the peace. If the last 1/3 of my life has prepared me for nothing else, it has prepared me for keeping the peace with AC. I can do this for another 21 days.
But this does not address the future. My future. Maybe the place to start is the question who am I? Minus the label of "wife", with its subtext of downtrodden and abuse, and strip away the "good mother", because that aspect is not going anywhere, then who am I? Okay, I am a nice person, most of the time. I am a good friend and I try to be caring and considerate. I am a good listener, I think. I can't recall having ever kicked a puppy and I always hold the door for the elderly. These are my pros.
On the other side, I am not the most organized person on the face of the planet. I can be a procrastinator, although I keep putting off admitting that. :) While not a big, extravagant spender, I am not organized with my money. I am an addict and when it comes to my addiction, I have not entirely given up all of my past behavior, which includes lying, cheating and stealing. I am much better than I used to be, but I am not where I want to be. I am also not the employee I want to be and I am not doing what I am passionate about in life.
So what am I prepared to do about this? As someone who occasionally gravitates towards the over dramatic, I want to make a big, sweeping vow to my 16 followers (and those who haven't registered) that starting tomorrow, I am turning over a new leaf. I am going to change every bad habit I have, I am going to wake up tomorrow and find that it's the first day of the rest of my life. There will be assorted woodland creatures present to help me dress while elves in a nearby tree make cookies and fine crackers. (Okay so much for the diet!) :) Starting tomorrow, all will be different.
Except these are the vows I make to myself each and every day and they never work out. Unrealistic expectations that I want to happen immediately with very little effort on my part. What can possibly go wrong?
So I want to start simple I guess, because I honestly do not want the life I had. I do want things to change. I want a life that is different and maybe the best way to do that is to start with a day that's different. Now I just have to figure out how to do that.
The first step, according to my sponsor, will be to turn over everything to my Higher Power. That is probably the first step, is getting back in touch with him, because I have felt very ambiguous about my spiritual side lately. I have some theories as to why that is, so once I have explored that, I think the next step is asking myself, each day, why do I want a new life? And then find out how, within that day, within the confines of what I have at my disposal, I can achieve that. It doesn't have to be moving a mountain. Sometimes the significant changes in life are small things that add up, right?
One of my all time favorite sayings is:
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher
I don't know if making the changes necessary to have a new life requires courage, but I know that I am willing to say, every day, I'll try again tomorrow. I am willing to make a commitment to myself. And after a lifetime of worrying about everyone else, maybe that's a step in the right direction.

My Guys

Okay so none of my guys "technically" look like this...but I'm not complaining. :)
Today was not a great day starting out. The Anti-Christ is gone. Officially gone all the time. But not content to sit on his laurels, he continues to attempt to make sure my life is as miserable as possible. So as I was telling my 12 step group last week, it feels like I have two options: I can continue to bend over backwards and be a door mat, accommodating him to "keep the peace" for my daughters sake, or I can be this total bitch who just says "Fuck you" and hangs up the phone and make sure I match him at every turn and make this as contentious and miserable as possible. I'm sure there's a middle ground for me, but it just isn't clear right now. I've been saying my serenity prayer a lot today, "God, Grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change..." because I can't change the Anti-Christ. As B. asked "In 13 years have you EVER been able to get him to change his mind or even listen to your point of view?" That would be no! In fact, I've killed myself explaining my point of view, presented logical arguments, charts, graphs, statistics...never works. So maybe it's time to stop killing myself trying.
So I took the afternoon off, I met Mr. Wonderful for 5 great hours and then on my way to my 12 step meeting I tortured Ninja on the phone for calling me "middle aged" (Long, funny story).
I'm convinced that God looked down at me and my marriage and said, "You've been through enough" and he sent me Mr. Wonderful. Someone so kind and generous and loving who makes me feel so special. As I've stated, our relationship has its limitations, but his being amazing isn't one of them. But then, I found Ninja to prove that there was more than 1 person who might treat me decently in the world. And he's just this really sweet, smart goofy guy who's sort of cracked like me. It's going slowly, which is nice, considering how quickly everything else in my life seems to be moving. So here I am, playing the field, as my friend Dave points out. (Dave is one of my "honorary" guys, since we've never actually met in person!) The funny thing is, they do have some things in common...mainly telling me I'm sexy and funny and sarcastic (which luckily both seem to think is a plus) and they both REALLY like my ass. Now I'm not someone who is used to having people tell her much of anything nice about herself. In fact, 13 years with AC conditioned me to NOT expect anything of the sort.
The other thing they have in common is this incredible sense of consideration that just cracks me up. I don't mean they are considerate towards me (which they both are) but they are actually considerate towards each other, having never even met once! When I was going to spend 36 hours with Mr. W, Ninja kept telling me to have a good time and he'd be thinking of me. Um...okay. Ninja said my time with Mr. Wonderful would make me happy and he just wanted to see me happy. Mr. W keeps worrying that he needs to back off so he doesn't get in the way of Ninja and me. Then Ninja asks if I've told anyone about our next date we have planned. I tell him just Mr. Wonderful and he starts in on not wanting to cause any issues or problems between Mr. W & myself.
Seriously, what GUYS do this sort of thing? The two of them are killing themselves, trying to make sure THE OTHER ONE is in no way inconvenienced or offended or whatever. It's just surreal. And it's really sweet. And I feel really lucky to have found both of them.
Shout out to another "honorary" guy, Mr. Spanko, although I've had rather limited interaction with him and also his lovely wife is not a guy! Hey next post...My Girls! :)

Nigel the Master Craftsman

Ninja & I had dinner 6 weeks ago, give or take. It was a nice dinner, restaurant was a little loud but I did introduce him to sushi. I guess what makes it a little surreal for me is the fact that he answers a craigslist ad I placed for Mr. Wonderful to find. And I always told Mr. Wonderful that would happen. That he would place an ad to tease me and some woman would answer & he would end up dating her or vice versa. Seems vice versa is what has come to pass. So 6 weeks ago, dinner, pleasant conversation, a hand shake, a hug and departure. It was a really nice evening and since then, Ninja (or Nigel as Mrs. Spanko called him by mistake the other night on the phone and it's caught on!) and I have emailed, chatted and spoken on the phone and it has all been extremely enjoyable. I think in the beginning, it seemed to be going in the direction of a relationship that would turn sexual very quickly. A lot of innuendo during communication, pictures exchanged, what have you. But at some point, for some reason, it changed. It slowed down. It became, in my mind, something that was progressing very much in the manner of a traditional relationship. Talking, laughing, none of it in person, but still, this gradual feeling of becoming more familiar. It felt nice. Now, would the rest of the world view it as traditional? Would a "traditional " person view a man making a woman her very own paddle as the "natural progression of a normal relationship?" Maybe not, but I view it as the actions of a man who is very sweet and trying to do something nice in an area that interests a woman he is interested in getting to know better. That in itself if very sweet. So we met last night. We started with a much longer, nicer hug than last time. He told me he had something and out it came. And it was beautiful. It was so ornate and not at all what I was expecting. I just started laughing and kissed him. 2 small kisses, standing in a parking lot at a Phillips 66 station. I hope I conveyed how much I liked it. So after I changed my clothes in the gas station bathroom, the three of us, Ninja, myself and the paddle were on our way. I drove us to a near by state park, as we had planned and we began walking. This park is always deserted and while there were 7-8 cars in the area and lots of people around, they were all attending a bar-b-que in the pavilion and the walking trails were completely deserted. So we walked and we kissed and we walked some more. The weather was really nice and since we were in the woods and we started walking around 630pm or so, the sun wasn't beating down on us and as time wore on, it got darker.

By the time we came out of the woods, it was completely dark. The park closed at 9pm we knew and it was right around 830. The pavillion was deserted so we ducked in there and kissed some more. Then he started swatting my rear end. Now he's read the blog, so it isn't exactly like this was a total surprise or like he thought I would be offended or call the police. But it was nice. I had my jeans on the entire time. In crazy Spanko world, is that the equivalent of playing hard to get? "Of course I want you to spank me, but I'm an old fashioned girl and this is only our second date, so I'm going to need to leave me jeans on!" :)
So as we walked back to the car, in the dark and stood there kissing a little more, I asked if he wanted to try out his invention. Let me tell you, it took some convincing! :) But I mean, the man made the paddle...for me...from scratch. He engraved it with my name on 1 side of the handle and his "handle" on the other side...he used the "Stinger" font (my favorite part I think is the name of that font...because leave it to this guy to find it!) and he even put a small leather "Cat of Four Tails" on the end for easy hanging capabilities. I mean, the detail he put into it was just so amazing. Not letting him test it out would have just seemed rude. :)
The hand spanking and the paddle were both the same. Over my jeans, while I was standing, facing him and kissing him. And it was really nice. Got some sting and some really nice heat going. The heat is what stood out for me. Without the jeans, that probably would have changed, as far as what stood out :) which he pointed out but I already figured. And right around 9pm, we got in the car and went off to have dinner. A very nice dinner. We have this bad habit of picking loud reastuarants. This was a mexican place. We enjoyed the singer (okay we enjoyed mocking him), the guacamole tasteed like nothing but lime juice, but it really was a very nice, proper date in my sick, twisted mind (and he really likes my sick twisted mind).
We drove the 25 miles or so back to his car and although I think we both wanted to stay, it was already approaching 11 and he had to drive a long way home and my trip wasn't around the corner either. So after one of those "Good bye's" that last about 15 minutes, we were on our way, seperately. All involved (including the paddle I'm going to call Stinger) agreed it was a really really nice date and all of us can't wait to get together again.

The Ultimate Multitasker

DIVORCE COUNTDOWN: 29 DAYS!!!!

I'll admit it, I am constantly doing more than one thing at one time. Whenever I'm doing something, it always feels like I should be doing something else as well. Maybe part of it is having 2 jobs, a kid, a 12 step program, church...now add into that, after a 5 year dry (no pun intended) spell, a social life. I can hardly be blamed if I am on the phone paying my car insurance bill while I drive to the grocery store...on my lunch hour...because in the end, there just aren't enough hours in the day! It's why the people at the last stop light before the highway occasionally get a thrill when I'm changing by blouse at a red light between job 1 & job 2. It's why I'm on the phone trying to get my insurance company to pay for my PAP Smear while stirring tuna helper and explaining multiplication tables to an 8 year old. I'm a modern woman and a modern mother. I am efficient, I am capable, I am exhausted. :)

Mr. Wonderful brought up the multitasking a few weeks ago, because I was going down on him in his car while talking to my lawyer about my divorce. There really wasn't much to do on my part, besides the occasional "Uh huh" or "No that's his, not mine". I could hear everything he was saying, my mind and focus were very much on the voice in the phone...my mouth was just doing something else...

The other day, I was on the phone talking to Ninja, from a bathroom stall where I was changing into my clothes for Job #2. (Yes ALL I did was change in there!!!)

I recently chatted with Mr. Spanko and Mrs. Spanko, but it was on different tabs and that's something I am pretty good at. I know they share both sides of the conversation with each other, but I sometimes like to fantasize that neither knows I'm talking to the other one. It's kind of cool. Thank God for the popping noise Yahoo makes when your chat buddy types in their reply!!

Before Job #1 cut off all internet access (BASTARDS!!!), I would chat with Mr. Wonderful starting around 615am at Job #1 and then Ninja would come on later and stay on when Mr. Wonderful had signed off, but there was an overlap, and so juggling two chats, while also greeting customers and selling them exercise classes...even I was a little amazed at that.

And once the Anti Christ moves out, it's only going to get worse. While truly evil in many respects, he never went anywhere, so I could leave the kid with him whenever for however long. That's going to change. I'm going to be a single mother. A single mother. Odd phrase. Feels weird.

Also, Ninja and I are going to dinner this Saturday, the first time we've seen each other in 6 weeks or so. So does that mean I'm juggling two relationships on top of everything else? I don't know. All I know is I'm closing my eyes and jumping in, daily planner clenched tightly in my hand!

37 Hours in Heaven

So how did my mini vacation go? Well, often images can speak volumes! 37 hours of Wonderful. Our previous record was 16 I think. So we ate and we watched a movie and we discussed writing and we had sex. A lot of sex. OH MY GOD!!!!

Not to say we didn't hit a few bumps. He knows about my Labor Day Monogamy Embargo and at times he wanted to treat this as our "Last Hurrah" which it isn't. I mean, it may be but that will be up to him. I never said I was breaking up with him, just that I would be seeing other people as well, selectively. So, okay...there it is. But he would have moments of sadness, as would I. It's very hard when you love someone and there are all these limitations. But I think, for the most part, the entire time went off without a hitch. It was perfect. And, there was spanking. Now, to back track, I have posted a picture of my bruise in the past which was a result of Mr. Wonderful's belt during a fantasy session. I'm sorry, I just don't count that. Not 100% sure why, but I don't. And after that, it was pretty much a general slapping my ass during sex kind of thing and if it got more serious than that, well then it would divert into sex. For the one millionth time, not complaining because the deviation is so good, but I wanted something this time. I wanted him to spank me. Just spank me. So last night, after roughly 25 hours of every conceivable type of sex in every room of his house, he went to get the phone. I put pillows up on his headboard, and when he returned, I took his hand and had him sit there and I kissed him and asked him if he would spank me. He agreed, so I laid across his lap and hugged a pillow. My plan was this, if he wanted up, he was going to have to literally pick me up off him or roll me off or wrestle me off because I was not moving without a fight. This was not going to be prelude to sex. Not this time. And it worked. We talked, we laughed a little, he got some good color and some good sting going and I guess what he gave me must have fell into the same category as what Todd gave me the month before, I guess stress relief, because honestly, I just felt my whole body relax. It was really amazing together time. And while not a prelude to actual intercourse, it turns out there are things you can do TO a woman while she's across your lap...who knew!!?!?!??! :) But I guess what made it so special was it wasn't a fantasy. It wasn't role playing. It was him and it was me and it was just him spanking me. I love the fantasy and the role playing, but sometimes, you just want simple and you just want the guy you love to beat your ass and that's what I got! :)

I wanted to give Mr. Wonderful a shout out for giving me a really magical day and a half. Thank you for loving me, thank you for being kind and generous, thank you for being as amazing out of bed as you are in bed and congratulations on being the first person ever to help me achieve orgasm with their mouth AND the first person to simultaneously spank me and make me cum. While not a hard wired spanko, I knew you had it in you! Whatever happens, I love you.