It's different, what My Friend and I do. We read the blogs written so well by others in the community and sometimes it's a wonderful window into explaining things we cannot. But just as often, if not more often, it's different. We aren't married, we don't live together, our time is so very limited. I am very well spanked, very well satisfied, but it's different. I have 1 hard and fast rule and whether that rule is followed or not is, always, on the honor system because he's not here to view and enforce it. We are connected daily, but most of the time, not in person, so he's not witness to any emotional issues I may be experiencing. It's different because I am so adverse to confrontation and so gun shy about arguements that when I'm in a bad place, I don't show that. That's not dishonesty, that's knowing things will subside on their own and why expose him to that? It's different because of all the past bumps and mistakes and heartbreak we both have had and our absolute determination, individually, before we ever came together, to avoid them again if possible. I see the bigger picture and things that might annoy me are truly not worth even discussing because in the bigger picture they are so inconsequential. It's different because we discuss our own shortcomings ad nauseum when we're in a good place, rather than letting the other discover during the heat of the moment "WoW! You're a total stark raving lunatic! I had no idea you sucked on this level!"
The decisions governing our day to day life don't usually involve the other (although that is slowly evolving). We count on each other to be sounding boards and devils advocates, but the decisions I make around my child, for example, are decisions made strictly on my own or in conjunction with Anti-Christ. The decisions he makes about certain things in his life, he's forthcoming with details, but they aren't my business. Not right now.
Things are evolving. He wants to fix things. I don't want him to. But I'm slowly letting him in and he's allowing me the freedom and space to just be alone with my issues when I need to be, knowing I am letting him in more.
But the spanking? It's about sex and it's about my ants staying asleep and it's about him enjoying dominance. And taken that way, along with the fact that we see each other one night a week and every other weekend, and adding in the fact that we both are determined to also do things regular people do, movies or dinner or evenings with friends or sitting and talking...and how easy it would be to stay naked all the time when we are in our brief time together, yes it's different.
We read these posts about these men who spank their women when they might not want it, but when they definitely realize later they need it and they are grateful to their partners for knowing this. We don't have that kind of time and the way my brain is wired, I ALWAYS need it! :)
However, I realized the other day that I needed some time alone. I had some time alone, not in my car and for more than 20 minutes, 4 months ago. I found the opportunity yesterday. And I had to explain this to My Friend. I know he was a little bummed about it, because we do have such limited time. And as soon as I had arranged it, I regretted it, wanting to be naked and spanked and having sex for 4 more glorious hours. But he didn't bring it up again, other than insisting I do something fun. And I didn't backtrack, knowing it was something I needed although it was feeling less like something I wanted. And it worked like a dream. I went hiking, I took a shower, and then, after Offspring returned, I slept for 10 hours. And I peppered my day with suggestive texts to My Friend, because I love him and I can't stand total disconnect. I have to know he's there and just a send button away. Maybe he knew I needed that. Maybe I knew I needed it even though I didn't want it. Maybe, if I had backtracked, he would have told me to do it anyway. I'm not sure.
My Friend wants to know how xyz that we read on this blog or that post relates to us. Sometimes it doesn't relate at all. Sometimes it relates in a lot of ways. But we're just us and we're still finding out what that means. We've been us for 6 months and the missteps have been very few and far between. He started from Point Zero, having never truly dominated anyone in the past and he's doing a wonderful job. I have never felt so loved and so relaxed and so satisfied (not just sexually) ever. I know it will keep changing, I know things will grow and evolve and I know that we will discuss it, we will find our way, as long as he keeps holding my hand.