Saturday, September 4, 2010

Clarifications & Specifications

“Do you want a spanking?”
Early morning, I had to be at work. My Friend’s voice has been described by some as the booming voice of God. Very deep, very sonorous. I’ve always been a sucker for Barry White/Isaac Hayes type voices, luckily! So getting the question with that voice is an extra bonus. And when he asks my answer is always the same,
“Is that a rhetorical question?”
So he rolled me over. And if 19 weeks had taught me nothing, I had learned this. The fact that it was morning and there were legitimate time constraints would mean short, not particularly intense, just enough sting for me to feel it, but ultimately relaxing spanking that would send me to work with a smile on my face.
Um…yeah…apparently I’ve learned nothing in 19 weeks.
It was fairly short, it was intense, it was painful. He was actually holding me down, which he doesn’t usually do and when he stopped, I was literally 1 more swat away from crying, which I don’t usually do. I felt the catch in my throat and a sob was about to leave me if he had hit me one more time.
While I was still laying there, not relaxed, no floating, recovering from the pain, he wanted to know if I was mad and holding it back. And I wasn’t. I don’t put a lot of thought into my own emotions, because usually there are none. Maybe if we were living together, maybe if we were able to implement our relationship choices into our every day life, there would be more emotions on my part. It’s really hard to explain to myself let alone him or anyone else.
I wasn’t angry. Maybe a little confused but not enough to bring it up. And I think it sort of caught him off guard as well, the intensity and aggressiveness with which he went after me. He expressed, very briefly, later, a little remorse. He doesn’t usually do that.
So what does it mean? No idea. All that keeps going through my mind is that if I were mad at him, what sense would that make? I gave myself to him, to do with as he like. Do I want someone who I have to sit down with and say, “I want you to spank me, now…at this intensity, with this instrument, for this long, until I tell you to stop?”
Okay, any spanking is better than no spanking, but I had this, to a certain extent, with Mr. Wonderful and no I do not want it back. I signed up for this, and if this is what it entails so be it. Perhaps next time I get the question, “Do you want a spanking?” I might ask for a few specifics on what he has in mind, maybe clarification as to what exactly he means by “spanking” but I don’t see that happening either. He does as he pleases and while I may not exactly be thrilled with that in a moment, overall it pleases me just fine.

1 comment:

  1. Variety is the spice of life and it seems like he changes things up just enough to keep you on yout toes. Best behave, buddy! (*wink*)

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